Boy the last couple years have been an experience! So much has happened... I was working, and I am thankful for that opportunity to work from home. But it is time for a new season! I realized that I while I was working from home, I was physically present with my children but I was not really present for their lives. I am so incredibly thankful for my husband for allowing ME to see this and help me to make the changes needed, without forcing it (even though he saw it for a long time before I did!).
Most of this came from us loosing another baby. While that is always difficult, I had significant blood loss and was really terrified of not seeing my little ones again! I was in the ER for about 10 hours, and was in "recovery" from home for a couple weeks and was barely coherent for at least a week. I am grateful to dear friends who helped my children while I was in the hospital and helped bring me things to help me recover. After that the family member who was renting our house gave notice that she was moving out (just as I was able to get out of bed again for more than 2 hours at a time)...
We spent November and December fixing the old house, almost daily... It was LONG and HARD as I was still weaker than I should have been and of course had 4 children to try and entertain. I painted over the nursery I had created (and SO LOVED!)... I cried, BIG TEARS! I had promised Robert I would never ask to do a project that big again... I hadn't. I did most of the painting with Robert coming down in the evenings after work to help in areas that were more difficult to get to. My dad helped SO much with getting flooring in - Yes we did it ourselves! My mom helped with cleaning up flower beds. Some friends came over and helped with cleaning, replacing fixtures, scrubbing, and some of the other repairs. It was long and hard on all of us! We ended up with a couple different contracts, as one fell through after closing had already been set. It was heart breaking! Once we finally got it done we went on vacation to Dallas for a couple days. It was very much needed.
But through all of this my hours of working were cut WAY down for 3 months! Money was TIGHT! Medical bills, repairs, paying mortgages on 2 houses... It was stressing me. I was angry... I don't like that feeling. Through it all I had my little Lilly keep coming to me - "Momma, read me book." "Momma, I wuv you!" "Momma, I cook with you." "Momma, HUGS!" All with her huge smile, blue eyes glinting, and blond ringlet curls. My children are what I prayed for. I had the things that I had always said were MOST important to me! And the worst thing is I WAS NOT TAKING THE TIME TO ENJOY THEM! My oldest had turned 11... ELEVEN already! Where did the time go?!?!
My oldest is already half way to adulthood, my house was a mess, I was stressed (almost all the time), chores and schooling were not getting done, I always felt behind on everything! Something HAD to change... I had to be fully present in my children's lives!
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